Understanding the Mouqabala in Islam: definition and process
The mouqabala, one of the first phases in the process of an Islamic marriage nowadays, is a way of meeting in a legislated manner in order to determine whether the people are suited to each other and can pursue a path together. Why do they meet in this way? What is the purpose of this meeting? In this article, we propose that you discover what the mouqabala in Islam is, how it takes place and what you need to know to properly understand this practice.
Definition of the mouqabala in Islam
The mouqabala (or "ta'aruf") is a meeting between two people who wish to marry while respecting the principles and values of Islam. This meeting aims to allow the future spouses to assess whether their profiles can match, in order to get to know each other afterwards. In Islam, assessing their compatibility before committing to marriage cannot be done without at least a formal framework, in order to avoid any temptation.
Indeed, Islam governs all the stages of the life of the believer who hopes for the Meeting with his Creator. Relationships outside of marriage being forbidden in Islam in order to preserve the rights of everyone as well as good morals, Muslim society pays particular attention to human relations. This is why the mouqabala must be done according to the Islamic rules that guarantee the protection of the woman from any bad intention, but also the rights of everyone and those of the families on each side.
Mouqabala: Name and origin
The term "mouqabala" comes from Arabic and means literally "bringing together" or "confrontation" (without that negative connotation). It refers to the fact that the two interested people meet face to face to exchange on different aspects of their life and their religious convictions. The main objective of the mouqabala is to determine whether the two individuals are compatible on the spiritual, moral and social level.
Mouqabala: How does it take place in Islam?
The process of a mouqabala varies according to the customs and traditions specific to each Muslim community. However, certain key stages can be identified in the majority of cases:
- The request for a meeting: It is generally initiated by the man or his family who wish to meet the woman or her family in order to discuss a possible union. This request can be made directly or through a third party (friends, acquaintances, imam...).
- The preparation: Before the mouqabala, it is important that both parties are well informed about what this practice is, its objective and its process. This will allow each one to prepare mentally and to know what to expect during the meeting.
- The meeting place: The mouqabala must take place in a decent, neutral place that respects Islamic principles. It can be the home of one of the future spouses, a mosque or any other suitable place.
- The presence of a guardian (wali): Most Islamic schools of jurisprudence recommend the presence of a guardian of the woman/young girl (generally the father or a male member of the family) during the mouqabala. The latter must be present to protect the interests and honour of his daughter, but also to observe the conduct and the intentions of the suitor.
- The questions: During the mouqabala, the two people have the opportunity to ask questions in order to get to know each other. These questions must relate to essential subjects. They can be varied, such as values, religious beliefs, life plans, expectations regarding marriage, and so on.
- The decision-making: Following the mouqabala, both parties have a certain amount of time (generally a few days or weeks) to reflect on the meeting and make a decision as to whether or not to continue this mouqabala process. In some cases, the continuation of the next stages of the marriage is decided when the two suitors have agreed on their compatibility and their desire to marry.
What you need to know about the mouqabala in Islam
To properly understand the practice of the mouqabala in Islam, it is essential to keep in mind certain key points:
- The main purpose of the mouqabala is to determine the compatibility between the two future spouses and not to push them to commit to a hasty or inappropriate marriage. It is always important to recall that under no circumstances can marriage be decided without the consent of the young girl, or even of the woman regardless of her age. Forced marriage does not exist in Islam! It is only the object of an instrumentalization of Islam in the interest of ignorant people!
Likewise, no pressure should be inflicted on any woman to push her to consent to marriage!
According to Abu Hurayra (may Allah be pleased with him), the Prophet (may the prayer of Allah and His peace be upon him) said: « The previously married woman is not to be married off without asking for her command, and the virgin woman is not to be married off without having asked for her permission ».
They said: O Messenger of Allah! How is her permission?
The Prophet (may the prayer of Allah and His peace be upon him) said: « The fact that she remains silent (*) »
Reported by Bukhari
- The mouqabala must be carried out within a framework that respects Islamic principles and values, particularly in matters of modesty and decency, in order to avoid the isolation between the two people concerned.
- It is recommended that the suitors be sincere and honest during the mouqabala in order to facilitate the assessment of their compatibility and to preserve mutual trust. It should be noted that it is permitted for the man to look at the woman in order to see if this suitor pleases him (and vice versa) and so that hearts may be at ease regardless of the final decision. Indeed, one cannot praise a person to someone (man or woman) and decide on marriage without the two people seeing each other and knowing whether, physically as well as mentally, they suit each other.
In a hadith reported by Tirmidhi and An Nasai:
The Prophet صلَّى الله عليه وسلَّم said: « Look at her, that is more likely to establish harmony between the two of you. »
- The families of the future spouses play an important role in the process of the mouqabala, notably by supporting and advising their children throughout the process.
In short, the mouqabala in Islam is a crucial stage in the marriage process that allows the future spouses to get to know each other and to assess their compatibility while respecting the principles and values of their religion. Properly understood and carried out under the right conditions, the mouqabala can thus greatly contribute to the smooth running of the next stages that will lead towards the success of a happy marriage in accordance with the teachings of Islam.